I Sentence You To Life, And All Its Horrors

Amnesty International today issued their annual report on the state of the death penalty worldwide, and they are overall showing a fairly sharp decline over the past year... as long as you exclude China. China is by far the biggest proponent of the death penalty worldwide, executing more people than the rest of the world combined, so much so that if you included China in the count, it would skew the reading.

So excluding China, 719 people were executed worldwide in 2009. In 2010, the number was 527. At least, as far as we know; some countries aren't totally forthcoming in releasing their statistics. China, meanwhile, has at least 2,000 by Amnesty International's count, with rumors of it being as high as 8,000.

You see now why China had to be excluded?

22 other countries were scored as having at least one execution in 2010. Iran had 252, North Korea 60, Yemen 53, the United States 46, Saudi Arabia 27, Libya 18, Syria 17, Bangladesh 9, Somalia 8, Sudan 6, Palestine 5, Egypt, Equatorial Guinea and Taiwan 4, Belarus and Japan 2, and Iraq,
Botswana, Malaysia and Bahrain 1. Most of those countries, though, might have higher counts beyond what was scored, and Vietnam and Singapore might have also carried out at least one. (The confirmed count adds up to 521. Amnesty misplaced six executions here somewhere.)

It must be noted that these are actual executions. Not death sentences. While death sentences are given out in the thousands- 2,024 given by 67 countries- often, they aren't carried out.

Belarus is probably under more scrutiny than any other, outside of China. They are the only country left in Europe that still executes, in defiance of pressure placed upon it by the EU, which will not start officially talking with Belarus until it, among other things, abolishes the practice.

Over the past decade, 31 countries have. Gabon is the most recent, the 139th overall, while Mongolia instituted a moratorium- not abolition, but a step in that direction. Here in the US, Illinois recently abolished the death penalty, the 16th state to do so. Texas accounted (PDF) for 17 of the 46 American executions; if it were a country, it'd be ranked 8th in 2010 executions. Ohio had 8, Alabama 5, Virginia, Oklahoma and Mississippi 3, Georgia 2, and Florida, Louisiana, Arizona, Utah and Washington 1. There would have been more save for the fact that almost all American executions are by lethal injection, and there was widespread difficulty in obtaining one of the drugs in the cocktail, sodium thiopental. Arizona had to get theirs from the United Kingdom. Texas, down from 24 executions in 2009, has also been dealing with fallout from the executions of inmates who have later been exonerated; as a result, they've been more deliberate in proceeding.

In China itself, last month they abolished the death penalty for 13 'economic' crimes, a move which Amnesty International derided as "legal housekeeping", as China rarely carried out the executions for those crimes anyway. Among the crimes: tax fraud, tomb robbing, fossil stealing, and the smuggling of cultural relics. The death penalty was also abolished for those over age 75. That still leaves 55 crimes that can get you killed in China.

Still a long way to go.

RIP, Leslie Nielsen

Leslie Nielsen died last night at age 84.

In tribute, have some Naked Gun.

French-Canadian Bean Soup

I got a cold. I'm lightheaded, I'm loopy.

But at least I'm not dying, and at least I'm not as loopy as Dutch Schultz.

Schultz was a New York mobster during Prohibition and former Public Enemy #1 (the precursor to today's Ten Most Wanted list). Schultz was, in fact, the Public Enemy #1 that replaced John Dillinger. On October 23, 1935, he and three associates were gunned down in a hit job carried out by Charlie 'The Bug' Workman, Emanuel Weiss, and a man known only as 'Piggy'. However, Schultz remained alive long enough for police (who thought he'd be fine) to show up, get him to a hospital, and maybe, they hoped, find out who shot him.

Bad luck on that. Schultz was in fact in intense, mortal pain, with a fever of 106, and on painkillers. In addition, the bullets were coated with rust, so as to give him blood poisoning just in case he didn't die right away. He was in no condition to talk.

Not that he didn't try...

Schultz: Has it been in any other papers? George, don't make no full moves. What have you done with him? Oh, mama, mama, mama. Oh stop it, stop it; eh, oh, oh. Sure, sure, mama.
Now listen, Phil, fun is fun. Ah please, papa. What happened to the sixteen? Oh, oh, he done it, please. John, please, oh, did you buy the hotel? You promised a million sure. Get out. I wished I knew.
Please make it quick, fast and furious. Please. Fast and furious. Please help me get out; I am getting my wind back, thank God. Please, please, oh please. You will have to please tell him, you got no case.
You get ahead with the dot dash system didn't I speak that time last night. Whose number is that in your pocket book, Phi1 13780. Who was it? Oh- please, please. Reserve decision. Police, police, Henry and Frankie. Oh, oh, dog biscuits and when he is happy he doesn't get happy please, please to do this. Then Henry, Henry, Frankie you didn't even meet me. The glove will fit what I say oh, Kayiyi, oh Kayiyi. Sure who cares when you are through? How do you know this? How do you know this? Well, then oh, Cocoa know thinks he is a grandpa again. He is jumping around. No Hobo and Poboe I think he means the same thing.

Sergeant Luke Conlon: Who shot you?

Schultz: The boss himself.

Conlon: He did?

Schultz: Yes, I don't know.

Conlon: What did he shoot you for?

Schultz: I showed him boss; did you hear him meet me? An appointment. Appeal stuck. All right, mother.

Conlon: Was it the boss shot you?

Schultz: Who shot me? No one.

Conlon: We will help you.

Schultz: Will you help me up? O.K. I won't be such a big creep. Oh, mama. I can't go through with it, please. Oh, and then he clips me; come on. Cut that out, we don't owe a nickel; hold it; instead, hold it against him; I am a pretty good pretzler -Winifred- Department of Justice. I even got it from the department. Sir, please stop it. Say listen the last night!

Conlon: Don't holler.

Schultz: I don't want to holler.

Conlon: What did they shoot you for?

Schultz: I don't know, sir. Honestly I don't. I don't even know who was with me, honestly. I was in the toilet and when I reached the -the boy came at me.

Conlon: The big fellow gave it to you?

Schultz: Yes, he gave it to me.

Conlon: Do you know who this big fellow was?

Schultz: No. If he wanted to break the ring no, please I get a month. They did it. Come on. (A name, not clear) cut me off and says you are not to be the beneficiary of this will. Is that right? I will be checked and double-checked and please pull for me. Will you pull? How many good ones and how many bad ones? Please I had nothing with him he was a cowboy in one of the seven days a week fight. No business; no hangout; no friends; nothing; just what you pick up and what you need. I don't know who shot me. Don't put anyone near this check~ you might have -please do it for me. Let me get up. heh? In the olden days they waited and they waited. Please give me a shot. It is from the factory. Sure, that is a bad. Well, oh good ahead that happens for trying. I don't want harmony. I want harmony. Oh, mamma, mamma! Who give it to him? Who give it to him? Let me in the district -fire-factory that he was nowhere near. It smoldered No, no. There are only ten of us and there ten million fighting somewhere of you, so get your onions up and we will throw up the truce flag. Oh, please let me up. Please shift me. Police are here. Communistic...strike...baloney...honestly this is a habit I get; sometimes I give it and sometimes I don't. Oh, I am all in. That settles it. Are you sure? Please let me get in and eat. Let him harass himself to you and then bother you. Please don't ask me to go there. I don't want to. I still don't want him in the path. It is no use to stage a riot. The sidewalk was in trouble and the bears were in trouble and I broke it up. Please put me in that room. Please keep him in control. My gilt edged stuff and those dirty rats have tuned in. Please mother, don't tear, don't rip; that is something that shouldn't be spoken about. Please get me up, my friends. Please, look out. The shooting is a bit wild, and that kind of shooting saved a man's life. No payrolls. No wells. No coupons. That would be entirely out. Pardon me, I forgot I am plaintiff and not defendant. Look out. Look out for him. Please. He owed me money; he owes everyone money. Why can't he just pullout and give me control? Please, mother, you pick me up now. Please, you know me. No. Don't you scare me. My friends and I think I do a better job. Police are looking for you allover. Be instrumental in letting us know. They are English-men and they are a type I don't know who is best, they or us. Oh, sir, get the doll a roofing. You can play jacks and girls do that with a soft ball and do tricks with it. I take all events into consideration. No. No. And it is no. It is confused and its says no. A boy has never wept nor dashed a thousand kim. Did you hear me?

Unnamed detective: Who shot you?

Schultz: I don't know.

Detective: How many shots were fired?

Schultz: I don't know.

Detective: How many?

Schultz: Two thousand. Come one, get some money in that treasury. We need it. Come on, please get it. I can't tell you to. That is not what you have in the book. Oh, please warden. What am I going to do for money? Please put me up on my feet at once. You are a hard boiled man. Did you hear me? I would hear it, the Circuit Court would hear it, and the Supreme Court might hear it. If that ain't the pay-off. Please crack down on the Chinaman's friends and Hitler's commander. I am sore and I am going up and I am going to give you honey if I can. Mother is the best bet and don't let Satan draw you too fast.

Detective: What did the big fellow shoot you for?

Schultz: Him? John? Over a million, five million dollars.

Detective: You want to get well, don't you?

Schultz: Yes.

Detective: Then lie quiet.

Schultz: Yes, I will lie quiet.

Detective: John shot and we will take care of John.

Schultz: That is what caused the trouble. Look out. Please let me up. If you do this, you can go on and jump right here in the lake. I know who they are. They are French people. All right. Look out, look out. Oh, my memory is gone. A work relief police. Who gets it? I don't know and I don't want to know, but look out. It can be traced. He changed for the worse. Please look out; my fortunes have changed and come back and went back since that. It was desperate. I am wobbly. You ain't got nothing on him but you got it on his helper.

Detective: Control yourself.

Schultz: But I am dying.

Detective: No, you are not.

Schultz: Come on, mama. All right, dear, you have to get it.

(Frances Schultz, Dutch's wife, shows up at his bedside.)

Frances: This is Frances.

Dutch: Then pull me out. I am half crazy. They won't let me get up. They dyed my shoes. Open those shoes. Give me something. I am so sick. Give me some water, the only thing that I want. Open this up and break it so I can touch you. Danny, please get me in the car.

(With these words of wisdom imparted, Frances leaves.)

Conlon: Who shot you?

Schultz: I don't know. I didn't even get a look. I don't know who can have done it. Anybody. Kindly take my shoes off. (He was told that they were off.) No. There is a handcuff on them. The Baron says these things. I know what I am doing here with my collection of papers. It isn't worth a nickel to two guys like you or me but to a collector it is worth a fortune. It is priceless. I am going to turn it over to... Turn you back to me, please Henry. I am so sick now. The police are getting many complaints. Look out. I want that G-note. Look out for Jimmy Valentine for he is an old pal of mine. Come on, come on, Jim. Ok, ok, I am all through. Can't do another thing. Look out mamma, look out for her. You can't beat him. Police, mamma, Helen, mother, please take me out. I will settle the indictment. Come on, open the soap duckets. The chimney sweeps. Talk to the sword. Shut up, you got a big mouth! Please help me up, Henry. Max, come over here. French-Canadian bean soup. I want to pay. Let them leave me alone.

Schultz died two hours later without another word.

History's Most Rapidly Expanding Funeral

Let's say that you had the chance to watch any one funeral in history. Likely, most people made that offer, after they stop wondering what the hell kind of offer is that, would probably take someone of religious importance.

Nobody, if they were smart, would pick Genghis Khan's. (Yeah, you see, there was a point to that opening.)

Genghis died in 1227 outside Mongolia, and wanted to be buried there. That narrows it down very little, as this was Genghis Khan's Mongolia, which as you know was absolutely ginormous, reaching out as far as northeastern Iran. He also wished to be buried in an unmarked grave, which was preselected and preprepared. However, he was considered a god, so a lot of people wanted to pay their respects. But you didn't want the place looted, and there was reportedly a lot to loot, including, among other things, the crowns of each of the 78 rulers Khan had toppled.

How about they just kill everybody?

About 2,500 slaves were in the funeral procession, alongside 400 soldiers. As the legend goes:

*Anyone or anything that just so happened to be in the path of the funeral procession was killed.
*The funeral itself saw 40 virgins killed as sacrifices to allow Genghis company in the afterlife.
*40 horses were also killed, presumably in case there was something to conquer there. Virgins and horses were tossed into the tomb.
*At the close of the funeral, all 2,500 slaves were killed by the soldiers.
*When the soldiers returned from the funeral, they were killed.

So now nobody knows where the tomb is. To this day, nobody's found it, and only in recent years have archaeologists begun to THINK that they MIGHT be in the NEIGHBORHOOD, and attempts to locate it are frequently frustrated by locals who would prefer the tomb not be disturbed on fear that it would damage the soul within. Efforts are frustrated further by the rumors that a river was diverted over the gravesite, or possibly a forest created and grown on top of it.

Well, maybe not nobody. One baby camel did survive, so that Genghis' family could be led to the site. How would the camel know? They killed its mother. But even then, the family would have to be blindfolded, because if they knew where they were, they'd have to be killed too. (Never mind what that 2004 link says about maybe finding it. They didn't.)

The only way one might know where it is would be to have been at the funeral. But, as the saying goes, then they'd have to kill you.