Sunday, November 11, 2012

How To Hoard Gasoline

Step 1: Do not hoard gasoline. Hoarding anything is bad.
Step 2: If you must hoard gasoline, know that during any time when someone might be well-served to hoard something, such as the aftermath of a hurricane, hoarding is something that is specifically monitored. If you are caught, you are guaranteed to instantly become known as the biggest asshole in town. They may even have procedures in place to prosecute for the hoarding.
Step 3: If you still must hoard gasoline, please note that gasoline is flammable. Do not place your gasoline near an open flame or other heat source.
Step 4: Despite sushi being raw fish, sushi restaurants do still serve hot food, and require heat sources, including open flames, to cook.
Step 5: Food is no longer edible after gasoline has gotten onto it.
Step 6: When transporting your gasoline, be sure you do not spill any of the gasoline.
Step 7: If you must spill the gasoline, do not do so in a sushi restaurant.
Step 8: Especially do not spill it in the kitchen.
Step 9: Especially do not spill 2 1/2 gallons of gasoline near an open flame. That's just right out.
Step 10: If arrested for a crime related to the hoarding of gasoline, the police may confiscate whatever remaining gasoline you may have.

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