A Note Regarding Ivory Soap

About an hour ago, if you follow me on Twitter (@aallermann), you may have seen a tweet from me that read:

"LOL! RT if you know people like the 5th mom in this #IvorySoap video: [link deleted]  via @Ivory"

This is a markedly different tone of writing than anything I ever write. For one, I don't use LOL. Second, I have never asked anyone to retweet anything. Never done it once.

More importantly, at the time of the tweet, I did not have a window open to Twitter. I was watching the most recent episode of Strip Search. I am fairly positive that my account has been hacked. By Ivory. So that they could tweet an ad.

The subsequent posts, where I'm seen mentioning that "#ivorysoap got its name because it's made from elephant tusks. Poached fresh every morning!" and "Once, a crazed murderer broke into the #ivorysoap factory carrying several garbage bags. They never found the bodies of his victims."? Those WERE me.

I've just changed my Twitter password.

In conclusion, Ivory Soap has been found at several archeological sites in the Middle East, but every single time without exception, there has also been a pentagram and an intricately-carved sigil nearby, and the archaeologists frequently report hearing faint moans of agony that have given them nightmares for weeks afterward.