Wednesday, June 5, 2013

How To Win The America's Cup

1. First off, you have to take up yachting. Doy.
2. Then get really really good at yachting. Good enough to win the America's Cup.
3. Get through some qualifying rounds and then beat the guy who has the cup.

Well, that wasn't very instructive. But that's the important first step in winning the cup: the original win. Now comes the fun of defending it.

4. The holder of the America's Cup gets to set the conditions under which it is defended- time, place, and type of boat. This is important to you.
5. Put the race at your favorite spot. Preferably one other people hate.
6. Schedule it whenever you want. There's no set timeline.
7. As for the type of boat... oh, let me back up here a bit.

STEP ZERO: Grow up to be one of the ten richest men on Earth. (As of today, our subject ranks 8th.)

Now then.

7. Make the boat to be used for the race so expensive and unwieldy that you're one of the few people on Earth who can afford to build the thing.
8. Everyone else either doesn't enter, pulls out in frustration, or pulls out for safety concerns. As of right now, four boats are entered. The goal was 15.
9. Make everyone else run out of money... and you win! The America's Cup remains with you!
10. Confirm every single bad thought the non-rich have about yachting.

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