Wednesday, November 27, 2013

A Friendly Reminder To Black Fri... Thur... Whatever Shoppers

Dear everyone who's going out shopping tomorrow or Friday in the so-called 'doorbuster' sales:

As enthused as you may be to grab the items being put on sale- which, by the way, solve for value of 'sale'- do remember that in your rush to buy said items, there are retail workers in the line of fire (which, thankfully, will not include me; I managed to somehow dodge getting scheduled tomorrow). Retail workers who, regardless of any statement the corporate office may have put out, have just about all been frog-marched into working that day at hours that basically destroy even the possibility of working around them so they can have a Thanksgiving. Hours like, say, noon-9. In the back of the mind of a large number of these people is the story of the guy who got trampled to death at a Walmart on Long Island on Black Friday 2008. Put simply, that store is the last place in the world that many of them want to be. They would much rather be at home giving thanks for what they have instead of attempting to corral a stampede blind to all but the pursuit of more.

(And those of you who are steered more towards the more mundane items? The socks, the waffle irons? Really? Is that really worth it, to you, to anyone involved in this madness? Is it really worth cutting Thanksgiving short for not only you but someone else and risking bodily harm so you can get a $3 pack of socks?)

The number one way to tick off one of these people is to tell them 'You really shouldn't be here today. Why are you open?' You know why the store is open? You know why they're there? Because of you. You are the one keeping them there because you couldn't be bothered to finish your Thanksgiving dinner before rushing out the door to run full-speed at a single model of a flat-screen that probably is inferior to your needs than some other model and which probably doesn't cost all that much less than you could get it for in, like, May. If you weren't so gung-ho on shopping right at that moment, the store wouldn't be open and the employees wouldn't have to be there either. And many of them fantasize about telling you this right to your face. A few of them might have already done so to someone who made that statement.

Don't let that person be you.

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