Sunday, December 1, 2013

How To Burglarize A Home

1. Do not burglarize a home.
2. If you must burglarize a home, do not do so after having attempted to steal a GPS device earlier in your criminal career.
3. Do not steal a GPS device either. The police may decide to punish this behavior ironically by attaching an ankle bracelet to you.
4. If you have an ankle bracelet on, do not break the law while wearing it. It's not like you'll be able to come up with any kind of alibi.
5. If you must commit a crime while being monitored with an ankle bracelet, you're pretty much going to have to cut the thing off somehow first. The cops will know, because they've rigged it to alert them to such a thing, and they will want to have a word with you about it, but at least you can chuck it in the bushes or send it floating down the river or in the back of a random vehicle headed out of state or something to try and buy yourself some time to get into hiding.
6. If you're stealing a GPS device in the first place, actually, you should really know what GPS devices do.
7. Do not burglarize a home with an ankle bracelet on.
8. Do not burglarize a second home with an ankle bracelet on.
9-21. Do not burglarize 13 more homes after that with an ankle bracelet on.

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