Sunday, May 13, 2012

Let Us Now Praise Total Assholes

People have been having rocks thrown at them by a total asshole. The 34-year-old asshole began his reign of terror by walking up to some tourists, with rocks in his hands, and began to screech at them. The tourists scattered before the asshole could throw the rocks.

Later on, the tourists ran into the asshole again, who was eating an apple. When they came too close, though, the asshole produced a rock and threw it at the tourists. No one was injured.

After that, the asshole proceeded to a hay bale, inside of which he hid more rocks. Anyone unfortunate enough to happen across him saw him produce a rock from the hay bale and had it thrown at them.

This behavior went on for months, because the asshole has nothing better to do than be an asshole for the sake of being an asshole.

Tragically, his assholish behavior is being praised by scientists. Because the asshole is a chimpanzee in Gavle, Sweden's Furuvik Zoo named Santino and the behavior is showing evidence of foresight, which they thought was strictly a human thing, as well as deception. A debate is underway as to whether he planned to be an asshole or if he just happened to have the opportunity to be an asshole when visitors showed up.

There may be experimental parameters set up in the future, so as to encourage Santino to continue to be an asshole for science.

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