Exactly what it says on the label; today you get a semi-random assortment of Olympic statistics. Medal statistics do not include Athens 1906; the IOC doesn't officially recognize those.
ALL-TIME MEDAL LEADER: United States. Including Vancouver, they have 2,539 overall medals. They won't lose the lead for a while; the Soviet Union dissolved at 1,204 (they are considered a distinct entity from Russia).
ALL-TIME SUMMER LEADER: United States, at 2,295. The Soviets ended with 1,010.
ALL-TIME WINTER LEADER: Norway. As of the start of today, they had 298 to the United States' 244.
The overalls go 1-2 with the same pairings when you count individual medals with the sole exception of Winter bronzes, where instead of Norway-US, it goes Norway-Austria. Norway has 90; Austria 73. (As of today, though, the US has 70.)
PERFECT ATTENDANCE CLUB: Only France, Great Britain and Switzerland have attended every Olympics since 1896.
PERFECT SUMMER CLUB: Add Greece.
PERFECT WINTER CLUB: Add Austria, Canada, Finland, Hungary, Italy, Norway, Poland, Sweden and the United States.
MOST ALL-TIME MEDALS WITHOUT A COMPLETE SET: The Philippines, who have acquired 9 medals- 2 silver, 7 bronze; all in summer.
MOST WINTER MEDALS WITHOUT A COMPLETE SET: Croatia, with 7- 4 gold, 3 silver.
COUNTRIES WITH A SINGLE GOLD AS THEIR ONLY MEDAL: Burundi, United Arab Emirates.
MOST ATTENDED GAMES WITHOUT A MEDAL: Monaco, 25 Games. 18 summer, 7 winter. They're followed by San Marino (19) and Andorra (18). Fifth on the list is Malta, who actually has medaled at the Paralympics- 2 silver, 6 bronze.
MOST MEDALED CURRENTLY EXISTING COUNTRY TO NEVER HOST THE OLYMPICS: Hungary, with 465 medals (only 6 in winter, none gold).
MOST WINTER MEDALED COUNTRY TO NEVER HOST THE WINTER GAMES: Finland, at 152 (only 1 in Vancouver).
MOST MEDALED SUMMER COUNTRY TO NEVER MEDAL IN WINTER: Cuba; 194.
MOST MEDALED WINTER COUNTRY TO NEVER MEDAL IN SUMMER: Liechtenstein; 9. They are also the ONLY medaled winter country to never medal in summer.
MOST STRIPPED MEDALS: Marion Jones, United States, with 5.
ALL-TIME PARALYMPIC MEDAL LEADER: The United States, at 2,088. Great Britain has 1,447. The same two are 1-2 in summer, and it's Norway-Austria in winter; the two are separated by only 6 medals.
MOST PARALYMPICS WITHOUT A MEDAL: Uganda, with 8. Armenia, Chile and Ecuador have been at 7 apiece.
MOST ATTEMPTS TO HOST THE OLYMPICS: Los Angeles, 9. New York has only bid once, for 2012.
MOST UNSUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS: Montreal, with 8.
MOST ATTEMPTS WITHOUT SUCCESS: Detroit, with 7.
MOST ATTEMPTS WITHOUT FAILURE: London, with 4. Paris and Stockholm were successful in their first two tries. Paris then failed for 1992; Stockholm for 2004.
CITIES THAT HAVE ATTEMPTED TO HOST BOTH SUMMER AND WINTER: Montreal, Helsinki, Minneapolis, Munich.
CITIES THAT SUCCESSFULLY BID ONLY TO NOT GET TO HOST: Chicago- 1904 (stolen by St. Louis), Tokyo- 1940 (WW2; given to Helsinki and then cancelled), London- 1944 (WW2), Sapporo- 1940 Winter (WW2; given to St. Moritz, Switzerland; Garmisch-Partenkirchen, Germany; then cancelled), Cortina d'Ampezzo- 1944 Winter (WW2), Denver- 1976 Winter (backed out; reawarded to Innsbruck).
SHORTEST POST-HOSTING HANGOVER BEFORE A HOST BID AGAIN: 8 years, St. Moritz. They hosted in 1928, sat out 1932, bid in 1936.
STATISTICALLY EASIEST CHOICE: Innsbruck 1964, who gained 84.4% of the vote over Calgary on the first ballot. Los Angeles 1984 and Lake Placid 1980 ran unopposed after potential opponents Tehran and Vancouver, respectively, failed to submit a bid.
MOST BALLOTS NEEDED: Albertville 1992, which needed five rounds and a run-off. Sofia, Bulgaria led after Round 1.
TOUGHEST FINAL ROUND OF VOTING: Melbourne 1956, which won by a single vote over Buenos Aires.
COUNTRIES THE IOC HAS CONVENED IN THAT HAVE NEVER HOSTED THE OLYMPICS: Czechoslovakia, Bulgaria, Denmark, Luxembourg, Hungary, Portugal, Monaco, Poland, Egypt, Iran, Uruguay, India, Turkey, Puerto Rico, Singapore, Guatemala. South Africa and Argentina will host meetings in 2011 and 2013.
Snd now your life is complete. Or, you know, not.